Go ahead, Flip Your Diabetes Bitch/Wit Switch!

Last night on "the twitter" I read a tweet from Lorraine from This Is Caleb that said, and I’m paraphrasing here because I can’t find the said tweet on her twitter feed :

@colcalli C’s CDE asked me if he’s had any highs since his last visit. W.T.?

So I tweeted back:

@diabetesalish @Colcalli Of course he's had highs, he’s a pwd! Ask her if she's had any bowel movements since C's last appt & tell us what she says.

@colcalli @diabetesalish lol!!!!!!! Love it! Love you! If only I could be that quick and witty.

Thanks Lorraine, but I’m not always that tricky/witty!

But, Lorraine's encounter got me thinking that all of us need to have some witty, diabetes Bitch Switch remarks to have on hand when we get hit with diabetes comments that bring us well past our "I'm going to educate this person" breaking point and makes us throw up our hands and say, w.t.f?

So, I came up with a few not so typical responses that you can use next time you've reached your breaking point regarding you or your child’s diabetes .

Comment: You have diabetes? Is it the... bad kind?

Your response: No, it’s the kind that allows you to fart glitter and shit gold ingots! What kind are you talking about?

Comment: You’re too young to have diabetes

Your reply: You’re too old to be that dim-witted.

Question: How come you didn’t grow out of your diabetes?
You respond: How come you didn’t grow out of your stupidity?

Comment: Man, I could never be forced to watch what I eat!

Your response: Yes, from the looks of things, that’s quite obvious.

Comment: Your mother must have fed you a lot of sugar as a child - that's why you have diabetes.

Your response: Your mother must have let you sniff a lot of glue as child, that's why you're an idiot~

Comment: Oh, and about your insulin pump – no worries, no one will even notice, it looks like beeper.

Your response: OK, refresh my memory, because I might have been having some blood sugar issues at the time, but seriously, I don’t remember hopping in a Time machine and magically transporting us back to 1992.

Question: You have diabetes?? COOL – Do you know Nick Jonas?

Your response: Yes, and we’re very good friends – we’re actually meeting at Starbucks in 10 minutes. Want to come with?

Comment: Diabetes – I couldn’t handle not eating sugar!

Your response: Me either – Wanna go snort some?

Question: Does your pump run on batteries.

Your Response: No it’s strictly solar powered.

Question: So, does your insulin pump automatically tests your blood sugars and & give you the right amount of insulin? That’s so cool!

Your response: Unfortunately, no. But it does have GPS & foursquare capabilities, a tracking device, receives texts and reads my biorhythms. So…You know, it’s got A LOT going for it~

If you have any diabetes Bitch Switch scenarios/comments, please feel free to share it!