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My Endo Gets It.

My Endo Gets It.
Yesterday was the dreaded Endo appointment - And I knew going in what my lab results were, including the A1c of 7.4 - And I wasn't the happiest of campers.
But sometimes, diabetes or not, life gets in the way. I tried my absolute best during my mom's illness and subsequent death to stay on top of things - At least as far as my diabetes life was concerned.
I tested like a mad woman; ate when needed, and took any and all daily medications required.
I really thought I had a handle on things diabetically speaking. But sometimes it doesn't matter what you do externally, stress still plays a major factor internally speaking - And the proof is in the numbers.

As I walked into my Endo's office, I felt the dread weighing heavily on my heart.
I signed in, was weighed, and read a copy of Philadelphia Magazine while I waited in the examine room.

And then a nice Intern came in and asked me all the typical questions one would expect from an Endo visit. Questions about blood sugars, basal rates, eye-exams and the last time I saw a Podiatrist.
Then he asked if anything out of the ordinary had happened since my last visit....... And I looked him straight in the eyes and told him my mother had died 33 days earlier.

I told him in a matter-of- fact manner about taking her to the emergency room, her blocked kidney & the failed stent attempt. Her being in the intensive care unit; and being in a medically induced coma, and how she beat sepsis and woke up & was moved to a Step-Down unit, and then suffered from internal bleeding because of her cumadin, and how she beat that and was moved to a Telemetry unit. And finally I told him about her coding twice from CO2 build-up and never waking up and having her vent removed.
I told him about the funeral and all that followed, including the sleepless nights. And then I told him that I missed my mother more than I could put into words and how being an orphan absolutely sucked.
And he listened and took notes and then said how sorry he was. He asked me if I was depressed, and I told him that no, I wasn't depressed, but I was sad about losing my mom and that I missed her very much.
And then the intern told me (and I'm paraphrasing here,) that during the Adjustment Phase, (apparently, that's the name for the time after a loved one's death) being sad is normal, and that in his professional opinion I didn't look or sound depressed. I looked good and it sounded like my family and I had been through a lot.
And that quite frankly, he'd be concerned if I wasn't feeling sad. And I was like: Oh, OK, that makes me feel better, thanks. And then he went off to find Dr. J.

And a few minutes later Dr. J came in and told me how sorry he was and asked me to explain what happened with my mom from the beginning - So I did.

Dr. J: Kelly (but when he says it, it sounds like kel-lee,) I am so sorry to hear that!! You have been through so much and under a tremendous amount of stress!! I know it's been difficult and if you need anything, call us.
Me: Thanks.
Dr. J: Listen, your labs are great. Cholosterol, is good, blood pressure good, and kidneys are great! And I gotta tell you Kel-Lee, with all the stress you've been under, I fully expected an A1C in the nines or tens -At least! So listen, we're not going to change your diabetes management right now. Let's see how things are next visit before we consider playing around with your rates.

A 7.4 A.1c is really very good! Don't beat yourself up, Kel-lee.

And then we talked for another 20 minutes or so about life and discussed what direction my life was headed. Then Dr. J ran out and retrieved a large number of insulin samples for me and said: I'll see you in February/March, and call if you need anything!

We said our goodbyes and then I scheduled my next appointment and left. In the elevator I put on my sunglasses, even though it was crappy out, because I had tears in my eyes.

My Endo, his intern, CDE and amazing staff get "it," BIG TIME.
And by "IT" I mean life, and what life throws our way, diabetes and otherwise.

And I feel incredibly lucky & blessed to have such an amazing diabetes team working with me - And I am very thankful indeed~

Dear Diabetes Guilt

Dear Diabetes Guilt
Dear Diabetes Guilt:
You’ve been with me and by my side almost daily since my diagnosis.
I first experienced you when I looked into my parents’ eyes when I was diagnosed and saw the sadness that was looking back at me. I was child number 6, diabetic child number 3.
My diagnoses hurt my parents so much. All I could say was “I’m sorry”- and then I did my best to make them laugh.
The guilt was next me as I snuck Christmas Cookies from the freezer and blamed the cookies disappearance on my sister- child number 3, diabetic child number 2.
Diabetes, your guilt made a 10 year old little girl run laps around the block to burn off contraband Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
You were next to me as I'd steal cookies from my friends kitchen and eat them in the bathroom so no one would see.
Diabetes guilt (and the look of disappointment and fear in my parents eyes) made me lie to them regarding my urine testing and blood sugar results.
It wasn’t the high numbers I was afraid of- it was making my parents sad, scared and angry that made my 11-year-old self fudge my numbers.
I'd cry when my Endo told me I wasn't trying hard enough. I was 13 and doing my best.
Wanting a few cookies every now and then shouldn't have equated a trip to confession and 13 "Hail Mary's".
In high school you mocked me to be part of the crowd - but I couldn't ignore diabetes.
Between the hell that was high school and being a PWD, it was a long 4 years.
In college I felt your guilt daily. I wanted too fit in and be “normal, ” and having diabetes was a foreign routine on campus.
I used my humor to win friends and they accepted both diabetes and me, as is.
I flourished with friends and success.
Your guilt didn’t just affect me-It damaged my family as a whole.
Your guilt cursed my sister- She strived for normalcy – which eluded her because back in the diabetes dark ages, normal was never an option.
I felt diabetes guilt because my sister with diabetes was dying and I was angry with both her and the world.
I didn’t understand how sick she was or how much the guilt of diabetes drove her down a self-destructive path.
I just knew she was sick and that I spent so many of much of my high school and college years taking care of her with my parents.
I didn’t understand and I hate to admit now, but I blamed her for not taking better care of herself.
I was a kid, she was 14 years older than me, and I didn’t understand what a restrictive world she and her diabetes were brought up in until I was well into adulthood.
If my other sister (child number 1, diabetic number 1) could live good life and have three healthy sons, why couldn't she?
I felt diabetes guilt for not always understanding, and for always being fearful that it could have been me.
I wanted to be a full time college student. Not a full time college student who was a PWD and a caretaker as well.

Even thought we fought as only siblings can, I never thought that diabetes complications would actually kill her.
I felt guilt for not having patience and for not always being kind.
My diabetes guilt stood beside me as I gave her eulogy.
I felt your guilt whenever people spoke of how much my sister suffered.
I felt your guilt whenever I got my own test results back.
I felt your guilt in my mid twenties when I was scared into becoming a good patient.
In my mid twenties and early thirties I worked hard on my diabetes management and had the numbers to prove it.
But still, your guilty presence made me want to apologize all the time- even when I was doing nothing wrong.
When I contemplated a cupcake, I felt guilty. Even when I tested, counted crabs, and bolused accordingly.
I apologized whenever my numbers would go up or down for no apparent reason.
I became defensive whenever a friend would ask: Kel, should you eat that?
I’d feel guilty that I don’t excise enough and I’d feel guilty when I exercised to much and would run low because I’d miscalculated my temporary basal rate.

Over the past 15 years I’ve learned to only concentrate on one number at a time.
I owe that attitude (in part) to you.
Because I became so tired of having you as a companion and a partner in my diabetes management.
So I’ve learned (and am still learning every day) to let go of you.
I accept that you exist and I will admit that you’ve done some good.
But I’m tired of having you as the anchor I wear around my neck.
So, I've removed you from my world on a daily basis - and while you still make your presence known from time to time, I no longer say I’m sorry for being a human with Diabetes.
I've lifted your anchor of guilt, hitched up my sails in the wind, and let my diabetes flag fly!
I have my good numbers and my bad.
I have great test results, and some not so great ones from time to time.
But I always try, and try again.
When I fall off the diabetes wagon, I get up and get back on.
Instead of anchoring on to the guilt, I use those numbers and results as a GPS in my diabetes management.
I take it one number at a time and I always do my best.
I own my diabetes, diabetes doesn't own me.
I’m still sorry that diabetes exists in the world.
But I am no longer sorry for being a person with Diabetes.

Do You Plan On Attending Breakthrough: The Dramatic Story Of The Discovery of Insulin?

Insulin - circa 1923

As many of you are aware, the New York Historical Society is currently housing an exhibit called: Breakthrough: The Dramatic Story of The Discovery of Insulin.

The exhibition opened on October 7th and runs through January 31, 2011.

It's divided into chapters showing the public how history, science, leaders in government, industry, & higher education combined roles & resources in the in the discovery of insulin.

And according to what I’ve read, the people who played a major part in the discovery are personified, as are patients whose lives were saved by the discovery.

I think the personification will really allow those in attendance to not only make a historical connection, but a personal one as well.

Diabetes is a personal disease because it touches so many people - and I believe that the exhibit will bring home the fact that without insulin - many family members of those viewing the exhibit would not be here had insulin not been discovered.

As all of us know that without insulin, many of you wouldn’t be reading this post, and I certainly wouldn’t be here to write it - we'd be dead.

Since my 33rd Diaversary is just a few days away, this fact hits home now more than ever.

Before Doctors Banting & Best discovered insulin, diabetes was indeed a death sentence. And while insulin is not a cure, insulin allows all of us to live.

And YES, a diabetes life certainly has its challenges - but a life without insulin wouldn’t equal a life at all.

Each of us would be only a memory to those that loved us.

Another great thing about the exhibit is that The Diabetes Research Institute has provided the exhibit with all the diabetes informational handouts – which tells me that the public will be getting the right information regarding our disease.

Every single person with diabetes can tell you that thanks to the press, most of the time the public gets diabetes ALL wrong.

In this case – the public will be getting all the correct facts on diabetes – THAT’S HUGE in my book!

Do I plan on attending?? Well, as I've stated in my previous Thank You to Dr's Banting's & Best,

If it hadn't been for them I never would have been:

"The girl who lived and is now a woman who IS.... and is BECOMING.

And I owe the fact that I am living to you both!

THANK YOU."

So YES, YOU BET I'm attending.

This is my chance to pay homage to them - and I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Are you going?

Museum & exhibition Ticket information can be found HERE.

The Failure of Conventional Medicine

The Failure of Conventional Medicine

Yet, the public are not being given the evidence of this catastrophic failure. Governments, National Health Services throughout the world, doctors, and perhaps most alarmingly of all, the mainstream media, are failing to tell us about the gross failings of the ConMed Establishment, and of Big Pharma drugs in particular.

Each week, this blog will collect together a series of articles from the internet that demonstrate this failure, and the underlying reason for an increasing number of people looking for non-drug medical therapies that are both safer and more effective.

Big Pharma drugs - the new epidemic sweeping across America (and Europe too)?
Did you know, for instance, that Big Pharma prescription drugs now kill more people than illegal drugs? Indeed, ConMed drugs has become the biggest single cause of death in the USA.

Fresh doubts over flu vaccines
Click on this link if you did not know about the increasing doubts about the safety and effectiveness of flu vaccine we are all being exorted to take. No such doubts have been seen in the mainstream media - we have just been told of the benefits of the vaccine? Did you know, for example, that whilst doctor's might be recommending you to have the vaccine, doctor's themselves, in huge numbers, are refusing to have one?

Show us the evidence for the flu jab.
In fact, doctors are even asking the government, who are criticising them, to provide them with the evidence that the flu vaccine is effective.

Flu vaccines effective in 1.5% cases - not 60% as we have been told
The concern about the effectiveness of the flu vaccine is shown in this 'shock vaccine study'! A shock, of course, only if you have not discovered the truth about ConMed, and the length's Big Pharma will go to sell their drugs.

Flu? There is a better defence
And why aren't we all being told that there are better, safer, more effective alternatives to flu vaccines?

20 Vaccine 'Trivia' Facts
Of course, vaccines have never been safe. No vaccine. Is this right? Have a look at this article from Vactruth, which outlines just 20 examples when vaccines have proven to be either useless, dangerous, or both. Vactruth is one of the foremost websites investigating the dangers of vaccines, and seeking to educate a misinformed public.

US Government Agency has known all along how dangerous vaccines are
Or perhaps look at this, from Tim Bolen's website, frightening evidence that government agencies know about the dangers of vaccines, but haven't been prepared to tell us.

Vaccines and the increasing rate of Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma Cancer
This sort of negative evidence about vaccines, though, is coming out all the time though - so we don't have to look at the history of vaccine cover-ups in order to know that they are linked with patient harm, and the increasing rate of diseases of all kinds.

Healthy babies given dangerous and unnecessary drugs
Or, how often are we told about Big Pharma giving us drugs when we do not need them? And it would appear that not even healthy babies are not safe.

ADHD Drugs are a common source of drug reaction.
Of course, children are more susceptible to the disease-inducing-effects of drugs, and this link states that ADHD medication cause substantial adverse reactions in children.

NHS Breast Screening programme under review
And it is not just drugs that are a problem. What about useless tests that lead to taking toxic drugs - unnecessarily? Well, the BBC did report on this (26th October 2011). But the point it not just that the test is 'being questioned' but that lot's of women, who did not need treatment for breast cancer, received it - despite its toxicity and dangers.  Of course, in their reporting, the BBC did not focus on this, or inform us about the dangers (and sheer nastiness) of ConMed cancer treatment.

Pfizer pays $14.5 million to settle Detrol off-label suit
So do Big Pharma tell us that their drugs are dangerous? Of course not, they are in business to make money by selling drugs. Big Pharma companies are regularly paying out $millions of dollars in compensation for the dangerous drugs they provide for patients. In some parts of the more litigious world, they abound. And if you want more - here is another example (there are many, many more). My question is - shouldn't patients be told before they are harmed by such drugs?  But again, we rarely, if ever, hear about these dangers.

So why the cover-up - by government? By government health agencies? By the NHS? By ConMed medics? And above all, by the mainstream media? Why do we not hear about these compensation payments? And, indeed, who pays to set up these cover-up's?

On BBC Radio, on 25th October 2011, I heard a programme discussing the cost of treatment for Macular Degeneration. One treatment, they said, was cheaper, but it had 'side-effects'. However, not once did the programme tell the listeners what the 'side-effects' of this drug (Avastin) were!

The BBC, like most of the mainstream media, does this all the time - it salutes new wonder drugs - but never tells us about the damage drugs do to us. The question is - why? Who is controlling the BBC? Here are a couple of articles on the subject that the BBC certainly did not use.

Can using Avastin for Macular Degeneration cause blindness?
So Avastin can cause blindness? Yes, a drug used for a condition that can cause blindness is actually being treated by a drug that causes blindness! Somehow, this does not seem to be a good deal - at any price! This is especially so as Avastin has also been associated with causing fatal brain inflammation!

Macular Degeneration affects nearly 15 million Americans leading patients to seek alternative healthcare solutions
Nor, of course, did the BBC say anything about alternative treatments. This article states that there are 15 million people with Macular Degeneration in the USA alone - and that many people are seeking alternative therapy. The article focuses on Acupuncture - but homeopathy, and many other therapies, are a safer alternative to Avastin.